Sunday, 19 January 2014

Clowns and Aliens

This afternoon, I thought it would be a fun idea for me and Calvin to visit the fair as it is leaving tomorrow.

Calvin wanted to watch the clowns. He informed me that his uncle was once a very famous clown known as Bingo so he knew a good clown when he saw one.

We went over to a big tent where the main show was being held. The clowns weren't on for a while so Calvin said he'd look around.

Moments later, I heard a shout and a ginger flash in the corner of my eye. I spun around and watched Calvin leaping away from an angry clown, a shiny red ball clamped between his jaws. Upon closer inspection, I realised it was the clown's nose...

It took quite some time to excuse Calvin of his actions and, unsurprisingly, I was made to leave the fair. Calvin, and the red nose, was long gone. Returning home, I found him nestled on the bed, looking very pleased with himself. He boasted that he had saved the clown from this blood sucking alien that had attached itself to the clowns face.

The remnants of the 'alien' now lay scattered in red plastic chunks around the bedroom. Too tired to burden Calvin with the reality, I swept away the leftovers of the poor clowns nose and then settled myself into bed, stroking the misunderstood hero.


Aliens Live in Ponds

Today was quite a palaver. According to Calvin, aliens have nested at the bottom of our pond.

His discovery began while I was in the kitchen. I made Calvin promise that he wouldn't try to catch any of the fish living in our pond. However, this doesn't stop him from spending countless hours on the bank, dabbling his paws in the water and teasing the poor animals with his antics.

Today, I fear he was getting a little carried away. After cleaning the dishes, I looked up out of the kitchen window to see the poor sodding wet cat clamber back up the sides of the pond.

Rushing out to check on him, I couldn't help giggling! Calvin was not amused. He claimed that he'd seen an alien scurry along the bottom of the pond and tried to remove the pest but had been pulled in by it's feelers. I mocked him, enquiring as to whether he had been mistaken and encountered a mermaid instead.

In an indignant tone, Calvin corrected my lack of intelligence by claiming that mermaids were simply a myth and that aliens were well known for living in ponds. Not only this, but I was lucky to have such a brave and keen-eyed cat.

I never can win an argument with Calvin, so I stifled another laugh and brought him a towel to dry off on. I'm sure he won't be teasing the fish much more now.

Saturday, 18 January 2014

Gardening Abduction

This morning I did some gardening. Calvin was helping me...

If you can count chasing various creatures around the garden as helping. To save the poor critters, I asked Calvin to go and fetch me the seed packets that I left in the house.

Half an hour later and he still hadn't returned, so I went to look for him. Unsurprisingly, I found him lounging on the sofa, his muddy paw prints scattered across the carpet.

He spotted me and jolted over before I could tell him off. Turns out he couldn't collect the seed packets because he had been abducted by aliens.

I asked him what they had wanted and he said that they were very kind and told him that he was hugely important... I should have known. Calvin went on to explain that the aliens told him his great, great, great grandfather had been a saber toothed tiger. With a smug look on his face, he instructed me that he should be treated as royalty as he was the last survivor of an otherwise extinct animal.

Having had enough of his stories, I proceeded to wipe up the mess and flopped down on the sofa, stroking my funny little tiger.

Aliens Wear Socks

I was on track for a restful night of sleep. Unfortunately, Calvin didn't agree.

12 o'clock always makes Calvin jittery. I woke up to sharp little fangs digging into my wing blade. Aroused from my rest in such a painful manner, I was obviously annoyed. His excuse? He said he saw an alien and that it scared him.

I assured Calvin that aliens could not get into the room as the door and windows were shut. He proceeded to explain that aliens could teleport wherever they chose.

I'm sure he had let his imagination blind his sight and was simply looking at the dressing gown, making shadows in the moonlight. Again, Calvin brushed my remarks aside by proclaiming that the shadows of dressing gowns don't wear socks.


It was midnight. I was tired. I didn't want to continue this banter. I told Calvin that the alien was gone now and it wouldn't come back. Of course, that wasn't the end. He feared that the alien would return and try to eat him.

I informed him that cats were not part of an aliens diet. That seemed to calm him down and he fell asleep again, purring.

For the sake of sleep, I hope we don't get anymore untimely visits from aliens wearing socks.